I was interviewed last week (via telephone) by Ms. Ellie Silverman, a reporter from the Washington Post. At the end of our 15-minute conversation, she asked how I manage to remain positive after all these years, and how I maintain a hopeful attitude behind the razor wire. I thought for a moment. It wasn’t always this way. The first years in prison were rough. The loss of my freedom and family threw me into great depression. I saw my life without meaning or purpose. Eventually I tried to take my own life. Something I now regret. The 40 year prison sentence over my head caused me to make irrational decisions at the time. Right after that suicide attempt, I came down with a life-threatening medical condition. I fell sick and could barely walk. I almost died in the process. This time without my assistance. Then my wife left soon thereafter. She took the children with her, and later remarried. I don’t blame her. No wife is expected to serve 40 years alongside her husband in prison.
These unexpected events led me to a spiritual awakening. I felt confronted with a life-altering choice: “Edwin are you going to wallow in your depression and bitterness and allow this prison experience to wholeheartedly consume you – or are you going lace up your boots and make the best you can out of a bad situation.” I made the latter choice
I began to be consumed not by the notion that I couldn’t get out of prison, but with the perspective that there were things I could accomplish behind the fence; things that could enable me to become a better person.
I picked up a Bible and studied it devotionally; read any, and all, self-help books I could get my hands on; took most of the rehabilitation classes the prison had to offer; started doing yoga, exercising, meditating, praying, and doing breath exercises to control my anxiety. I also ended up enrolling in college.
Over the years, this type of life-approach has stuck. I live by a rigid set of values and maintain the best positive attitude I can muster. And I am always reminding myself of these two mottos: “Do the best you can with what you got wherever you’re at.” – “Discipline yourself to do the things you don’t like to do so you can have the discipline to do the things you love to do when you don’t feel like doing them.”
This type of life-approach also enables me to judge and interpret the world around me with an optimistic view – no matter how grim, dark, and oppressive it appears on a daily basis.
Let me give you an example. When I saw the potential to learn how to play music in prison, I took it. I practiced and practiced with a cheap guitar and rusted strings until I became a pretty good guitar player. When I wanted to further my education, I purchased college books on my own with my commissary money (and went without, of course) to study the field I wanted to major in – even though it took nine years to be finally accepted by a college. But accepted I was. And later accomplished a Master’s degree in Christian counseling and Therapist Certification. And when I wanted to improve my chess, soccer, basketball, paralegal, personal training, and communication skills, I disciplined myself to do it (but those I’ll have to show you instead of telling you :-)).
Every time I see a viable opportunity for improvement or something that can increase my knowledge and skills, I am all in and willing to put in the work required – because at this juncture, I already wasted most of my young life day after day after day without purpose or meaning; doing drugs and drinking and spending time in prison.
So what was my answer to Ms. Ellie Silverman?  I said, “… Every single day I declare that my day is going to be beautiful, that my day is going to be peaceful. That I am going to find joy in it no matter what.”
If I am able to get up each day, living on one of the most dreaded places on the planet (prison), with the best positive attitude I can muster, I can almost guarantee that you can too. And I can almost imagine the opportunities for your success and prosperity are vast in comparison to me sitting in a ten-by-twelve prison cell, wishing I could just use the phone on my own time, surf the internet, drive a car, hug my family, cook my own meal, watch my own television programs, walk in the park, stroll on the beach, and all of those little things that matter in life.
Always remember, when you change your perspective – your outlook on life will change. You’ll start seeing new opportunities to improve your way of living. You’ll begin to find new ways to become a better human being in this not so perfect world in dire need of joy and happiness. For in the end: “We don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are”.
Smile 🙂  Your life is worth living.